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This Day is Mine

December 12, 2011 By Cara Lumen Leave a Comment

 

I opened the door
And the day tumbled in,
Clear, joyous, full of Life.
Puffy white clouds
Float peacefully above.
Yellow, pink, purple and salmon glowers
Wave "Good Morning" from my patio garden.
Peace comes to my heart.
 
This day is mine, 
Every nook and cranny of it,
To sense, to savor, to hold.
I listen to Spirit for Guidance, 
I open myself to signals and signs, 
I hold my vision in my heart, 
And step forth into life.
 
Cara Lumen
March 27, 1997
Spring Equinox
 

 

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Do You Know What Your Heart Needs and How to Get It?

August 18, 2011 By Cara Lumen Leave a Comment

close-lookSometimes there are vacancies within us that we don’t know how to fix. We can’t fix them because we don’t know what causes them. In a recent radio show on Chopra Radio I learned that there were four things your heart needs and as I listened to what they were I realized that I wanted to bring them more deeply into my life. The four things the heart needs are attention, affection, appreciation and acceptance.

Attention

It’s not that have to be a star it’s that we want to be seen. We want to know that our life counts. We want to feel that we are here for a necessary purpose and that our being who we are has value. In order to have that experience we need to be noticed by others.

Affection

We need to be touched – not necessarily physically, but a smile, a warm tone of voice, some sign that we are cared about.

Appreciation

We all want to believe we are making a contribution, that our presence and our participation makes a difference. Being appreciated allows us to stay motivated. Appreciation helps us stay in a relationship. Where there is no acknowledgement there are no feelings of satisfaction.

Acceptance

We want to be considered a part of whatever it is we are looking for. We want to be seen as a purposeful being that is needed and valued.

How did you do? Did you discover what is missing in your life? Or do you have it all? How are you giving these needs of the heart to the people around you?

With this awareness I can do two things, find out what I need and look for ways that I can give the people I care about these four things that they need for their heart.

Giving and Getting Attention

How to give attention to yourself: Are you really paying attention to yourself? Are you noticing your conscious choices, your unconscious choices, your words, your feelings? By paying attention to your life experience and giving thought to your emotions and intuition, you can make choices that make a difference in your life experience.

How to give attention to others: When you walk into a room do you take time to acknowledge those present? Sometimes we are self conscious and don’t take time to make eye contact or greet everyone we should. We could make certain we pay attention to those who are shy, or silent in the group. In order to give more generously of your attention take time to simply be with the people you talk with.

Giving and Getting Affection

How to give affection to yourself: If you are living alone you probably don’t get hugged very often. But you could give yourself a big hug along with some kind words on a regular basis. Write down the supportive things people have said to you during the day. If you are looking for them you will hear them. Treat yourself with kindness because you are worth it.

How to give affection to others: You can show affection to others by making steady eye contact and taking time to give them a genuine smile. You can make certain your voice is warm and affectionate when you speak with them. If it is natural for you to pat an arm or a shoulder do it. And when you are moved to hug, go for it. Look for ways you can show your genuine affection for those around you.

Giving and Getting Appreciation

How to give appreciation to yourself: Appreciating yourself is not about noticing your skills and talents, although you can certainly do that, appreciation is about noticing where you make a difference. How did you make a difference today? It may be something you did or something you said or even something you plan to do. If you look for those moments of contribution you will see them.

How to give appreciation to others: Showing your appreciation for others is probably the easiest step you can take. I have thanked surgeons for their skills, something they possibly are not specifically thanked for. I have thanked managers for their kind and loving care of a senior community. I have acknowledged a job well done, or a thoughtful gesture given or just appreciation for having a particular person in my life. Just look for the many gifts others give and acknowledge them.

Giving and Getting Acceptance

How to give acceptance to yourself: This is huge. Do you accept yourself just as you are? Do you see yourself as a meaningful human being? Acceptance is not about not changing, it is about being patient with yourself and loving yourself throughout your journey, however rocky and off course it seems to get.

How to give acceptance to others: Acceptance is about honoring our differences without judgment. That’s a certain road to world peace. The acceptance the heart needs is to feel included, to feel a part of what we value. We all want to feel like we are recognized as a purposeful being. Who can you include in your next group activity? Who do you need to recognize for their unique contribution that makes them a necessary part of the team? How can you make someone feel they belong?

These are huge values to consider: attention, affection, appreciation and acceptance. Be conscious of the four things the heart needs and address them all. Actively give those experiences to yourself and pro-actively give them to others. Then see how much better the world seems to be.

© 2011 Cara Lumen
 

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Are You Reading the Signs?

August 1, 2011 By Cara Lumen Leave a Comment

look-aheadThe Universe has an interesting way to offer us guidance. It sends signs. Sometimes those signs are about bumping into someone on the street that creates an opportunity you hadn’t considered before. Sometimes it is a phone call or an email suggesting collaboration. It may be a surge of interest in a particular product or service you offer. And it may be an idea that simple floats in out of nowhere. These signs indicate an interest from somewhere directed at you and what you offer. They are worth considering.

Signs that say change direction

I’ve been moving steadily in one direction for about eight years. Before that I was going in another direction. What’s currently showing up are people interested in that original niche – those initial products and services that I still offer on my website. And I’m wondering and watching. Part of me feels that if I moved back to that old niche it would be about going backwards. Another part says maybe I’ve learned all I can from the niche I am in and have something more to contribute to my original niche. Since learning new things is more important to me than just about anything in the world I need to find the place where I can keep learning and be in service while I do. So the question becomes how can I approach this former niche and make a new type of product and service around it.

Signs that inspire new work

I began my online presence as a spiritual counselor. Then I decided to take that metaphysical approach out into the world as I helped people develop their online business. I became a business coach, curriculum developer and an educator. The spiritual part has always been in my work. But the current signs are about increasing the spiritual work. And I’m observing and thinking and considering.

I feel that a lot of my earlier work was about teaching what I had learned from others in my own unique interpretation – which is pretty much what we all do. But I have now developed what feels like a relatively original idea and would love to find more of those. However my unique viewpoint has changed because I am more knowledgeable and experienced so if I went “back” to offering more spiritually oriented products they would be different than what I produced ten years ago. That’s a good thing.

I learn when I teach and since I’m going through an introspective period in my own life I plan to write a new teleclass that will give people tools for self-exploration. That’s quite different from the practical courses I’ve been teaching. My target community is certainly going to be surprised!

What ideas are coming to you that seem a little off the beaten path that you would be interested in exploring?

Signs that a change is in the air

My Passionately on Purpose blog has always been a mix of practical and philosophical – like me. In the past year I have written more personal development posts than practical ones. That was a conscious decision as well as an organic one. So the Universe has been laying the groundwork for this possible change. Look at what you’ve been doing the past six months. What has changed? Is there a new direction being suggested?

Signs that suggest new relationships

Some of the signs are coming to me in the form of the people that are showing up to be coached and the products that they are buying – the older spiritual ones. As I examine the world around me I see major, major changes and as I look carefully at what people want it seems like hope would be at the top of their list. Hope, spiritual awareness and a way to get control of their lives at least internally since the physical plane seem skewed at the moment. I could do that.

New people are also showing up who would like to collaborate. People are showing up for coaching who not only want practical guidance but help in defining their values and their passion and their deepest place of service. The people who are seeking me out are coming because they feel a spiritual connection. That’s always been that way it works but these people are expressing it in those terms. Who is showing up in your life that you are immediately drawn to, or who seek you out with collaboration in mind?

Signs that you should take the leap

I haven’t made this leap yet. I’m just reading signs. And I also realize it doesn’t have to be a complete leap, it doesn’t have to be an abandonment of what I do now. It can just be an addition to what already exists. I have to look at what I want right now. What do I want to learn? What do I want to write about? What do I want to teach? Who do I want to coach? And what do I want to help them to accomplish? I can offer a personal development class alongside a business class. It would be a stronger position if I stuck with one or the other but I’m just going to let it unfold. It may also mean that this is the beginning of a gradual transition. Are you being nudged to change directions? How does that feel?

Are you noticing the signs?

What signs are showing up for you? What are people asking you to do for them? What new need do you see out in the world that you would like to meet? How does your present focus need to expand or change in order to continue to be relevant and necessary? Read the signs and see if it’s time for change.

© 2011 Cara Lumen
 

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The 5 Second Difference

July 5, 2011 By Cara Lumen Leave a Comment
close-lookI’m not overly technical but I figured I could handle my new Bluetooth headset. The people at the store set it up so I didn’t have to do that part and the first time I used it it worked wonderfully. Then it didn’t work. And I had no idea why. Because I have a tendency to put off technical things I poked the three buttons on the headset, recharged it and when it still didn’t work I went back to my headsets. I’m not certain what I thought would happen – perhaps that it would suddenly work by itself? So after five days of it not working I read the instructions. I thought I understood them. I poked the three available places to poke one more time. I went online to get instructions and gave up immediately in an overwhelm of choices – I just wanted a person to fix it for me. You know the feeling. So I gathered up the headset and the instructions and the phone and went back to AT&T where a really nice guy showed me that all I needed to do was press one button and hold it for 5 seconds!!! 5 seconds had kept me from making it work. 
 
And it made me think.
 

What have I been putting off that another 5 seconds of persistence would fix or make happen or resolve? 

I’ve been putting off making videos because I need to relearn Camtasia – that’s not even about starting from scratch, that’s about re-learning. And I haven’t even opened the program to see how fast I can remember it.
 
I’ve been putting off putting my latest books on Kindle and Nook not because I don’t know how, but because I have to decide on a price. One decision, one commitment, one answer and I’ll be unstuck.
 

What would happen if you stuck with it just a little big longer?

 Will one more read through of your blog post make it ready to go up? Will five minutes choosing the three things you will accomplish this day take the pressure off the rest of your day? Will spending 20 minutes exploring new software help you see how it could help you? Will writing another chapter of your ebook move it along? Will making one phone call open up new opportunities?
 
The decision to be more persistent is a bit like doing one more push up or walking another half a block – or whatever it is that asks you to push a bit more, to go a bit further, to learn a bit more.
 
5 seconds is no time at all but it can make the difference between something working or not.
 

© 2011 Cara Lumen

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What Slows You Down?

June 12, 2011 By Cara Lumen Leave a Comment
close-lookThere are three major things on my “I Want to Do” list that have been there much too long. I began to wonder why I was putting them off. 
 

It’s not a priority

It may be that what’s on my list is just not a priority. I’ve wanted to do videos for some time but I’m writing the 15 ebooks in my “How to Craft Series” instead. That’s my priority and is taking most of my time and focus. In order to change the priority of the videos I traded some coaching sessions with someone versed in the technical aspects I need to know in exchange for my help in developing information products. I now have someone who will help me get the videos up so guess what – I wrote three two-minute video scripts. It’s a start. 
 

You don’t have enough time

A project takes as long as you take to do it. There is always enough time if you schedule it in small consistent steps. One of the tricks I use is to take my “I Want to Do” list and beside each item write how long it will take to do it. The entire list always ends up being only a few hours of concentrated work. I can do that! 
 

You don’t know how to do it

This is where I start to slow down. I don’t really enjoy reading instructions for technical things. I’d much rather have someone show me exactly what I want to know how to do. I want it to be easy and instant. I am putting off relearning Camtasia because I will have to look at the tutorials. I was never very advanced in it and it will be like starting over – or so I think. I want to learn it so I can do my videos. I don’t even know how much I don’t know! I need to schedule an hour to see where I stand. 
 

You think it will be hard to learn

 I put off learning Sound Forge for nearly a year because I thought it would be hard to learn. It’s not. It’s very easy. I’m not advanced in it but the basics are easy to understand. I’m smart. I can read. I can think things through. I just thought it would be hard to learn.  If it seems hard break it down into smaller steps. But schedule that first step soon. 
 

It is hard to make decisions

Look closely to see if the need to make a decision is keeping you stuck. I think the reason I’m putting off putting my three new ebooks on Kindle is because of the decision’s I have to make – specifically around pricing. I have them priced and bundled on my web sites. I just can’t bundle them on Amazon – I don’t think. Maybe I can. I have to go look that up. Get the information you need to make an informed decision or to shatter a non-accurate belief.
 
Decisions are about change. Change is about growth. I want to grow. What decisions are slowing you down? 
 

You don’t know what to do

It’s true that you may not know the next step to take but if you have an overall goal in mind you will know the next major objective. I want to make it easier for people to connect with me on my blogs. I have no idea what plug ins will help me do that. But I have my coaching exchange with a person who does. If you don’t know what to do find someone who does. A coach can save you both time and money by guiding you to the next best steps in an order that helps you get results in a hurry. 
 

You’re afraid

Seth Godin suggested the possibility of fear keeping you stuck but I can’t think of anything I’m afraid to do. What’s the difference between being afraid and not being willing to work outside your comfort zone? I’m not afraid of making videos and I’m a good speaker. I’m clear it’s the technical steps that are slowing me down there. Maybe you’re just out of practice. Maybe it’s something you’ve never done before that you want to learn. Maybe you are afraid of success – or failure. Do look to see if it’s fear that is slowing you down. 
 

You don’t have the authority or the resources to do it

As an entrepreneur you’ve always got the authority to do it. As a new entrepreneur the resources might sometimes be a bit iffy. I figure there’s always a way around a blockage if you really want to do it. You may want to have a published book but you can always self publish and if you don’t have the resources for that there is always Kindle and iStore to publish on for free. You might wish for a VA to post your article submissions but one hour a week on your part can make a lot happen. Can a family member help? Is there a high school student you could train who would be glad to learn? Who can you trade time and skills with? Who can you hire to get you over your slow down period? Do you need a coach for this next project? Get as creative developing your resources as you are about creating your business 
 

Keep learning – know your learning style

 I learn when I write. I learn from blog posts and articles and books I read and webinars I attend. On-going study inspires my; own articles and posts and books. I learn by doing. What you need to know is available for free on line. Do the research. Find the answers. Do the work. 
 

Narrow your "Want To Do" list

A long list is a show stopper. Choose three things to accomplish each day and do them. That may mean spending an hour on moving a product a step forward rather than completing the project but those hours lead to the finish line. Schedule an hour to start learning that program you need to know in order to take the next step forward. Do an outline of the Table of Contents for a new ebook. Take off a lot of small cluttered ideas from your daily list and schedule only three action steps per day. That will help you move forward with no more slow down periods. 
 

Do what only you can do

I know how to do so many things well myself that it never occurs to me to hire anyone else to do it. The truth is we need to stay close to the money since we are the only ones who can produce the projects that will bring in more income. Make a list of what you love to do. Then list those things you know how to do but someone else could do. Make a third list of what you really truly don’t want to do and find ways to give those away. Look at the second list and see what can be outsourced. Find people who can do some of the things you don’t know how to do it easier and faster. Your time is worth money. Spend it on doing the things that only you can do.
 
Identify what slows you down and find ways to overcome the thoughts and considerations and beliefs that are keeping you from moving forward. Let’s get to work!
 
© 2011 Cara Lumen

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Hovering Above Change

June 6, 2011 By Cara Lumen Leave a Comment
padlockI am organically repositioning myself in my life and my business and I haven’t landed yet. I feel suspended between here and there – wherever "there" turns out to be.
 
Like a butterfly emerging, I don’t know what color I’ll be, so I simply let myself evolve.
 
And like the butterfly it all has to come from within – an internal change that ultimately appears on the physical plane.
 

Listen from within

As new ideas emerge test them out. See how they feel to you. See what additional ideas they stimulate. When I decided to focus much of my coaching work on helping people develop information products it stimulated a great many ideas. I taught my Magnetic Content Development System in a six week course that made me organize those ideas into a teachable format. I founded the free Magnetic Signature Products Guild which is an entirely new niche for me. I started writing the “How to Craft” Series of ebooks. With that one shift to a narrower niche it was like fireworks, the ideas and projects came rapidly. What idea are you exploring that feels like it’s going to pop?
 

Look for the signs

 My signs appeared as full blown ideas that fell into place so easily there was no hesitation on my part to put them into action. Names like the “Guild” set the tone. I realized my system of teaching content development was unique. I was excited about teaching it. It was a direction I HAD to take it was that compelling. What signs continue to show up in your life that point you in a new direction?
 

Have patience

 I get inklings of what is possible. I go exploring to see what catches my eye. And I wait – never pushing or prodding. I simply stay open to the infinite possibilities. I listen intuitively and suddenly find treasures that steadily lead me forward on this new adventure. Start journaling about what you are feeling and thinking. Capture your ideas on paper. See what shows up and consider it.
 

Goals can stop change

If I decide a particular idea needs to be a book, I might miss the opportunity to consider it should begin as a teleclass or a video or even an article. Stay flexible. Stay open. Have a broad goal like “I want to change lives with what I teach.” Then let the way you do that unfold organically.
 

You can’t hurry change

 Opening up this new niche is like starting my business over. I have a new web site, a new blog which people have to find. I am still learning how to manage the membership software. I have fourteen ebooks I know I am going to write and I’m on number three. And each product needs a landing page, a shopping cart set up, a cover and promotion. There is so much to do to let people know these great resources exist. It can’t be rushed. It just needs to be done one step at a time.
 

Learn as you go

 The beautiful thing about writing so many information products is that I get to test my own system over and over again. Sometimes in my process I create a new worksheet that I add to the system. As I write I keep discovering new phrases that convey my message even better than the ones I have already used. As I coach new people I see that I can apply my unique decision making process to those who are starting up a new business or beginning any project. Wherever there is a decision-making process I can help.
 

Watch for leveraging

 One idea can be presented in many ways. A new client showed up that allowed me to apply my decision-making process to the establishment of her new business. As I worked with her I created new processes to guide her. I will include what I discovered and created in future information products. I’ve already taught full blown teleclasses in crafting articles, teleclasses and how to books. Does that material become another ebook series that cover each step? Do they become special interest coaching groups? Can I do a VIP day? As your ideas emerge see how they can be put to use in different formats.
 

Trust

 I have an idea where I am headed but with every step I take I look and listen and feel to be certain it is aligned with my passion and that it excites me as I make it happen. I know I’m growing, I’m expanding my vision, and my expectations are changing. I’m simply allowing a newer version of me to emerging knowing that whatever it looks and feels like will be absolutely perfect for my here and now.
 
Don’t you just love hovering above change?

© 2011 Cara Lumen 

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The Internet Education – How to Get One and How to Give Back

May 27, 2011 By Cara Lumen Leave a Comment

red-laptopI have a college education. Only 10% of women my age got one (I’m 78). We were just supposed to get married and raise children. In my 40’s as a mother of four, I went back to get my Master’s Degree. I was the first one in my family to do so. And I continue to get more education today – much of it for free from the internet.

The rising cost of education

I have to admit that I don’t know what my father paid for my BA in 1954 or my husband paid for my MA in 1995 but I do have an idea of what I’ve spent since then, particularly in developing my own internet business. 

Free stuff

It’s amazing how much great information is available on the internet at no cost. Everything from Wikipedia to blogs on a specific topic to the free teleseminars that give you valuable tips even as it promotes a longer paid class. Free videos abound with pertinent core information. People give out free ebooks as opt in offers and free levels of membership sites help you move rapidly forward. Seth Godin is giving away free ebooks. www.ted.com has inspired speakers. Bloggers give great information. Public domain literature is on line. And you can go get an important business book at the library. There is no reason you cannot get a healthy start on your business education for free.

Barter for learning opportunities

I received two major coaching certifications for no monetary exchange by asking if I could assist in the course. I volunteered in a three month course on information products and served three times as a team leader which strengthened my coaching skills and added to my reputation and my knowledge. I have exchanged coaching sessions with another coach because she knew things I didn’t and vice versa. Sometimes it’s as simple as asking to serve in place of paying money.

Pay for concentrated courses

Information marketers are a source of valuable targeted information. You can gain specific information and training for a small investment. With an Early Bird Special you can get a six week webinar on a specialized topic for under $200. And in that six weeks you will learn skills that could totally turn your business around. Conferences, workshops, webinars, speakers – all have words of wisdom to offer that will add to your online education.

Hire a coach

An investment in a coach for a specific phase or project will save you time and money.  Coaches have specialties and are trained to move you toward a specific target and keep you from taking costly detours. Interview your prospective coach so you both can tell if you are a good fit. Plan on at least three months if not longer and let your coach guide you rapidly toward your chosen destination.

Buddy up

 Sometimes learning online is as simple as finding a colleague to talk to every week. You help each other stay on target, get unstuck and keep moving forward. Whether it’s an accountability buddy, a Mastermind Group, or a membership forum, working with peers can be a great way to increase your skills and knowledge.

Write for discovery

One of my favorite ways to learn is to create a class or ebook about it and teach it. When I wanted to take my article writing strategy to a deeper level I wrote a teleclass about article writing and I not only inspired myself to up level my game but I added some new skills simply from the research I did for the class. Teaching helps you own the material you share.

Stay relevant

When you learn on line you keep up with the trends and changes and new needs. Follow some bloggers who are trying new things. Listen to the thought leaders on TED. Learn more about marketing. See where publishing is going. Keep up with the trends and try new things yourself.

Enjoy the versatility

The beautiful thing about an online education is that you get to take classes that interest you, not those that are required. If you want to be a public speaker you can focus on that. If you want to write, study and do that. There are classes on everything you could possibly want to learn from people all over the world through the internet. And there is no commute or restrictions due to our location. We can stay at home and increase our knowledge base as we learn from people who are teaching what they know. 

Now that you have gotten your online education, how do you give back?

Here’s the exciting part. Because you have hand selected your online education based on your passion, your skills and your need to be in service, you have a unique blend of knowledge. No one is going to offer what you do in the same way you do. So what better way to give back than to start teaching others about what you have discovered, the dots you have connected to take you were you are today, the insights you have gained along your journey. 

Teach what you know

People will pay a lot to someone who has read 15 books on a topic, done extensive research and distilled it into an ebook they can devour in 40 minutes. People will watch a 4 minute video that teaches them something that gets results and then call you to learn more. 

Whether it’s an ebook, teleclass, video, podcast, article or blog post, or coaching program teach what you know. As you teach you will deepen your own understanding. As you find ways to help others move forward you will move yourself forward. Information products do three important things – they increase your status as an expert, they create recurring passive income and they keep you learning as you teach. 

After you get your own eclectic version of education, try passing it forward by crafting your own unique information products. You can touch lives with what you know.

© 2011 Cara Lumen

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How to Mentally Prepare Yourself for Change

March 2, 2011 By Cara Lumen Leave a Comment
Have-a-planI made a much needed change recently – it was a bit late, but better that I did it now than not at all. I began to wonder why it had taken me so long make the change and what had been the process that finally led me to the decision to take action. I thought that if I could figure that out perhaps I would consciously know how to mentally prepare myself for the next change.

Become aware of the alternatives

I first got a cell phone because I wanted it with me in the car in case of an emergency. I never used it but it was comforting to have. I didn’t know how to use it very well, but I had a perceived need to have it to keep me safe so I kept it. I gradually watched people around me use their cell phones more and more. Many gave up their land lines and used only their mobile phone. I watched people take pictures with it and text with it. Yet I still carried mine with me only when I drove. 

Learn how to use it

Part of the reason I resisted using my cell phone was that I couldn’t use it very well. I can do a lot of things on the computer that woman my age cannot but I had never tried to master a cell phone. The numbers seemed small, I couldn’t see it very well and most of all, I didn’t use it enough to be comfortable with it. I figured I could manage 911 at the very least. I saw no other need for it. A strong part of my resistance was that I had not mastered the technology.

Encounter a pressing need

All that changed when the promotional package for my TV, telephone and internet ended and my bill doubled. It then became a pressing need for me to figure out an alternative. I had two phones. Surely I could I manage with just one. The catalyst for change is often as simple as a changed circumstance and a new need.

Take action

I was ready for change. I spent an hour learning to use my cell phone. I pushed buttons that took me to all sorts of places. I’ve never sent a text message. I haven’t figured out the photo part yet, but I do have phone numbers entered into speed dial. And I discovered the headset from my land phone fits the cell phone. I set it up on my desk. I was ready.

Move out of your comfort zone

A pressing need led me to explore an alternative that I had discovered but had not utilized. That same pressing need prompted me to learn the mechanics of using the new system. And my final step was to let go of my land line – that comfort zone of familiarity. 

Thanks to my cell phone adventure, I’ve added an awareness about how to mentally prepare myself for change. I will keep my eyes open for the new innovations that exist and learn enough about them to see how I might use them. Then when the pressing need arises I will know what is available, what steps to take to solve the problem and will be able to effortlessly move forward. Go exploring. See what other people are using successfully. Stay curious.  You can mentally prepare yourself for change long before you need to make the actual shift.
 
© 2011 Cara Lumen

 

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How Your Self-Esteem and Self Image Affect the Outcome

January 31, 2011 By Cara Lumen Leave a Comment

agreementOne of the major beliefs that stand in the way of our success is what we believe we deserve. Both our self-esteem and self image affect that belief and both can be improved upon.

 Self esteem is about how you regard yourself at the deepest level
 
We develop our prominent world view by the age of five. And that world view is not controlled by us. We are influenced by those around us – our parents, their philosophy, the example they set, how they feel about us. Through the atmosphere in the home environment we develop how we feel about ourselves and the world around us – what we expect to receive in that world. Are we a good kid, are we smart, are we safe, are we valued, are we encouraged, are we loved? So here we are at age whatever-we-are-now wondering what to do about our bouts of low self esteem.
 
The key to success in life is to recognize the existence of the problem in the first place
 
Take a reality check. We have the advantage of looking back to see what we have accomplished. Look at what you did do, not what you failed to achieve. Look for and acknowledge the gifts only you have been given in your unique package. And question where your self-doubts come from. Was that a fear of one of your parents? How did their beliefs influence yours? Question your beliefs. Question your assumptions. Look carefully at what you now believe and why you believe it then make a fresh choice based on who you are today and how you want to live your life. Then take total responsibility for what happens to you.
 
Self Image is how you think you measure up to those around you
 
Self image is a judgment you make of yourself. How you rate in the company of others. And guess what, there is always someone out there that can do more than you can better than you can. Self image definitely affects self-esteem but you can change that by taking a different view of your life so far.
 
Our self-esteem and self-image determine what we believe we deserve
 
Low self-esteem keeps us for asking for what we want. We don’t ask for more money for our product or service because we don’t think we deserve it. We’re not certain that what we have offered is important enough, or big enough or valuable enough. All that self doubt comes from low-self esteem. Whether you’re reluctant to raise your prices, or ask for a raise, or go for that new client, how you do it and if you succeed are determined by your attitude about yourself. Are you good enough, attractive enough, smart enough, strong enough, wise enough?
 
The level of your self esteem shows up in your choices. You picked the bummer boy friend because of low self esteem. You feel your boss doesn’t value you because of low self esteem. You don’t even approach a new opportunity because of low self esteem. It’s not the outside influence, it’s the inside influence – what you say to you about yourself. And you can change that self-talk.
 
Watch your language
 
Negative self-talk is the most detrimental thing we can do to ourselves. “I can’t do that.” “I have no friends because I’m not likable.” “The other person is smarter that I am.” Stop that! Stop that now!!!
 
When I first became aware of how strongly my language influenced my life experience I really had to practice saying more positive things – to others and to myself – about others and about myself. Sometimes I stopped myself in mid-sentence so I could change the negative direction my words were going. It’s not just your words; it’s your thoughts and your actions. That’s a lot to monitor but it can be done.
 
Maintain an Acknowledgment List
 
Count your baby steps. A friend of mine got a divorce after 35 years and she is not well prepared for the practical aspects of caring for herself. She had allowed herself to be very dependent on her husband and her self-esteem is extremely low. She has a long journey ahead of her to become self-sufficient. But she is doing it, one step at a time. One of the things she did to help herself was to keep an Acknowledgement List. Whether it was learning to change the furnace filters, or going to the class on Quicken, she keeps taking steps that will ultimately change her life experience. Count the baby steps. Count the things that were hard only for you but that you did anyway. Then acknowledge yourself for having achieved them. Perhaps you wrote one article out of the twenty you want to write, but one is good and it is forward motion. Acknowledge yourself. Give yourself credit for the steps you take, however large or small.
 
Stop comparing yourself with others
 
We are each uniquely different – thank goodness. If you see a quality in someone else that you admire, work on increasing that quality in yourself but don’t beat yourself up if you are only able to partially achieve your goal. You are your own unique mix and that has great value.  But if you look at someone and say “I can never be that way” then stop it. Because you will never be just like someone else – and you don’t really want to. You are needed in the world just the way you are. Acknowledge and cherish your own uniqueness.
 
We have created our life experience
 
What we think, how we act, what we believe all influence how we experience our life. What you look for you will see more of. If you are looking for the things that could go wrong, you will find them. If you keep focused on positive possibilities they will show up. Your choices today, this very minute, affect your next experience. Choose well. It affects the outcome.
I think I can, I KNOW I can
 
Erase self doubt. Instead of telling yourself you think you can, shout out to yourself that you KNOW you can! Then go do it. All of us give ourselves some negative feedback from time to time. Listen to yourself. Listen to the words you speak and the thoughts you think and change them into positive affirmations of how truly great you are. We are each perfect just the way we are. We each contain our own unique blend of talents and skills, of beauty and strength. We are unique just like everyone else and we must learn to value ourselves for that uniqueness. 
 
YOU are the primary force shaping you life. Love yourself. You deserve it.
 
© 2011 Cara Lumen

Filed Under: Personal Development Tagged With: , ,

6 Ways to Use Open Time for Inner Work

December 28, 2010 By Cara Lumen Leave a Comment

close-lookThe pilots call it  “down time.” Musicians may refer to it as “between sets.” It could be the time between jobs or between tasks, but whatever you call it we’re referring to those unfilled moments in which you find yourself with nothing to do. How you fill those open spaces can make all the difference in what comes next. Here are six ways to use those open times for inner work.

1. Reflection: What did you accomplish?

I particularly like the week between Christmas and New Year. For me it is a time to examine the year just completed, to acknowledge what I accomplished and plan the year ahead. I begin by looking for what really worked. That acknowledgement is very important. If you take time to list all you have done you may be both surprised and pleased. Maybe you want to call it a “Gratitude List” rather than an “Acknowledgment List.” Write down your successes, you’ll find you have a lot to be grateful for.

2. Contemplation: What do you want to change?

Of course, some things didn’t work and we get to give gratitude for them too because they contained our lessons. We found out that we didn’t know how to do it, or people didn’t want it, or the timing was off, or, or, or… Looking at our less-than-successful ventures gives us insights into what not to do next time or how to do it differently if we choose to try it again. What lessons did you learn?

3. Decisions: What do you want more of?

Some things were absolute joys for us so of course we want more. What made them happen? What parts of it made it so invigorating? A little examination of what happened, what its components were and why it happened helps us take a giant step toward attracting more of the same. What do you want more of in your life?

4. Values: What qualities do you want to attract?

Whether you are contemplating next year or next quarter or next week or next day, what qualities do you want to be there for you? I’m a bit too much of a loner so I’ve decided to embrace the quality of willingness to be more social. Within 24 hours I had a most rewarding conversation with someone I knew only slightly. We deepened our understanding of each other and it warmed my heart. The next day another new friend felt comfortable in asking me to drive her somewhere. Another friendship expanded all because of my willingness to be more social. What qualities do you want to have evident in your life?

5. Choice: What you focus on you get

It’s very simple. What you look for you will see. What you focus on you will attract. If you look for negativity you will see a lot of it. If you look for positive reinforcement you will see how much there is of that around you. Notice the words you use. Are they “I can’t,” or “I can” phrases? Notice what you expect to happen – good things or bad. Once you are aware of what you are focusing on you have a choice to consciously start focusing on and expecting only the good.

6. Take charge: You are the director of your life

I play weekly cards with a woman that when I first started I found to be very, very judgmental about how I played the game that was new to me. It showed in the tone of her voice, in her judgmental sighs (you’ve heard those) and her attitude. Now I know that I always have a choice: I can hang out with people whose positive energy I like and not be with people whose energy is negative. I privately mentioned to another one of the card players that if that judgmentalness kept up I might not play cards. It was just a concerned comment and the expression of an awareness on my part that I had a choice. I have a feeling she told the woman for the latter gradually began to change. And a few evenings later the woman said, “This is so much fun!” Because she had changed her attitude, that had changed our responses to her.

You are the director of your life. What you say, what you think, what you look for, what you do, all influence those around you and their reactions to you. If you do nothing else in those quiet, reflective spaces of time, look at what you want to change about yourself. What do you need to let go of? What do you need to do more of? How can YOU change? Then do it.

Use your open time to contemplate, to rest in the unfilled spaces and simply see what shows up. Look within and see how balanced you are. What does your body need? What does your soul need? Use these pauses to reflect and make new choices based on what you find within. Open spaces are for inner work. Use them wisely.

© 2010 Cara Lumen

Filed Under: Personal Development Tagged With: , , ,