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How to Free the Logjam of Your Ideas

December 2, 2011 By Cara Lumen Leave a Comment
padlockSometimes the need to make only one decision creates a log jam that holds you firmly in place.  Once that necessary decision is identified and you make your choice, it will free up all the other ideas you have blocked up behind it and you’ll be on your way.
 

The logjam decision for me was around pricing

I finished my latest ebook several weeks before I offered it because I had to decide on a price.  It’s really hard after months of work to not see your completed project as having great value.  I know the benefits they will receive from using my ideas.  I know how valuable my work is, but do others? I knew the ball park figure I just had to make a choice. Then I could set up my landing page and send the book on its way. With that one decision made and I was good to go.
 

The log jam was slow to unfold

I had been procrastinating so long over making that one pricing decision that it took me a few days to overcome the next minor log jam, the technical steps I needed to take to put the book online. It’s not hard to put a new ebook up on my web site and blogs; it just takes time and concentration. I had already been sitting on my new book for days trying to make the pricing decision and then I was faced with the technical steps of interconnecting all the parts of the delivery and promotion of the book. Between the time I finished the book and finally faced up to taking the technical steps I took a put-it-off detour.  I wrote the outline for my next book and had a great idea for a brand new book totally off my regular topic. Creating something new was so much more exciting than the mundane task of putting a completed project out the door. However, in the end the satisfaction of finally making that book available to others overcame my putting off tactics.  Give your logjam time to unfold.
 

Make a choice, any choice

There are all sorts of variations on a decision and the “rightness” of each one depends on where you are at the moment.  I picked a price.  That was the major log jam. I can always change it.  I can always bundle that book with others.  After I broke up that log jam I was free to take my next steps.  The desire to reach the end promised such great fulfillment that I set about putting the book up on my sites.  Make a choice, any choice.  It will free up that log jam and get you going.
 

Making a decision is freeing

It takes but a heartbeat to make a decision.  It doesn’t take much longer than that to put it into play.  What decisions are you putting off?  Why are you putting them off?  You can’t possibly know the long term repercussions of your decision; all you can know is what you need to do right now in order to move forward.  When I write a new ebook I make the decisions surrounding it based on what I know at the moment and what my target community needs from me at the moment.  Those same choices may not hold true a year from now but by then I’ll have written and published my book. 
 

One decision will eliminate idea clutter

Every time we make a decision that idea clutter falls away and we are left with a clearer picture of what we want to create. I’m writing a series of 12 ebooks in my How to Craft series.  I also am interested in creating a new telecourse.  For a while I considered doing both.  It would mean a lot of work.  It would mean a delay in the completion of the series.  I had to make a choice.  I had to observe the difference between my personal priority and my business priority.  Since having fun and enjoying what I do is a high priority, I chose to let the teleclass show up when I’m ready to focus on it and I will continue to work on completing the ebook series.  It was a relief to let go of that second idea for awhile.  I’m still going to do it I just don’t have a date.  I will keep collecting ideas and resources, of course, and put them in a file so that when I am ready for that project I’ll have a great head start.  But meanwhile I’ll focus on the choice at hand.   Choose the project size that works for here and now and make it happen. 
 
Where is your logjam?  What decision do you need to make that will release those stuck ideas that will set you free to send those ideas off to market?
 
© 2011 Cara Lumen
 
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Is Your Motor Running on Idle?

October 31, 2011 By Cara Lumen Leave a Comment
take-it-easyI have just played hooky from my regular routine and didn’t understand my unwillingness to do most of the things I could/should be doing.  Then I realized I was running my motor on idle and that was actually a good thing. 
 

You idle before you change gears

 Now that I’ve had my mental and physical break from working my business I see that backing off from your routine gives you a new perspective.  Taking time to focus on another aspect of your life like entertainment or physical activity or friendship brings the value of those pursuits back into focus and gives you the space to make some more conscious choices. Idling is about preparing for change.  It’s not about making decisions; it’s about backing off so you can look ahead with a new perspective.
 

Those darn “should’s”

If you’re like me there are a zillion things you should do to make your business bigger, better, and more lucrative. There are so many choices that even the contemplation of those choices can make you weary.  As I come out of my idle time I can take a better look at what I think I should be doing in the first place.  Do I really need or want to write that many blog posts – is that becoming a chore rather than a joy?  How many coaching clients do I really want?   Do I want my days swamped in service or do I need some balance? Look carefully at what you decided someplace along the line that you should do and see if that still holds true.  Make some new choices.  Release what no longer brings you pleasure and makes room for more nourishing activities.
 

Those exciting could’s

Here’s where a lot of us really get into trouble, we see a lot of exciting possibilities and want to try for most of them.  Coming out of idle I realize I would like to live with less pressure. Since I’m the one making up the deadlines I choose for myself I’m also the one that can change them.  There is a course I want to teach but if I decide on a specific deadline some of the joy of creation will be taken away as I have to push myself to get it ready by a certain time.  My coming out of idle decision is that I want more time to focus on fitness and play so my choice is that that course will be written whenever it gets written and offered whenever it gets offered.  The whole point of doing our business is to have a great time doing it.  How will the could’s you are considering affect your daily life experience? 
 

Choose your priorities

What are your priorities at this particular point in your life?  How in balance or out of balance is your current schedule?  I used to work my business pretty much all the time.  I love to create so I was always working a new project with a deadline as well as maintaining my coaching clients.  There was no time for much else. Now I want to take time to watch a sunset, or walk in the sunshine, or read a good novel.  I choose more simplicity in my life and more serenity.  I want to write more philosophical posts.  I want time to take myself gently into this next phase of my life.  I want time for me. 
 

Slow down

My five days on idle revolved around doing jigsaw puzzles.  Your mind is active but you know the outcome.  I didn’t have to plan or meet a deadline or work on my next book.  I just sorted our little pieces of cardboard – for days.  It obviously met a need or I wouldn’t have been so reluctant to return to work.  I played hooky.  I changed my rhythm.  I stopped the pressure.  I zoned out.  I backed off.  I put my motor on idle while I allowed my subconscious to rearrange my priorities and help me realize the new choices I want to make.  There will now be regular yoga, consistent and ever-lengthening walks.  There will be much gazing out the window at the sunsets.  There will be writing my “How to Craft series” but at whatever speed those books unfold that gives me pleasure in doing them.  I want my life to be active but I want to eliminate as many self inflicted deadlines as possible.  I want to take pleasure in what I do; I want to savor the joy of crafting an article or completing another ebook or helping a client take a giant step.  I want to savor my life.  That’s what I learned when my motor went on idle.
 
 
© 2011 Cara Lumen

 

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Are You Reading the Signs?

August 1, 2011 By Cara Lumen Leave a Comment

look-aheadThe Universe has an interesting way to offer us guidance. It sends signs. Sometimes those signs are about bumping into someone on the street that creates an opportunity you hadn’t considered before. Sometimes it is a phone call or an email suggesting collaboration. It may be a surge of interest in a particular product or service you offer. And it may be an idea that simple floats in out of nowhere. These signs indicate an interest from somewhere directed at you and what you offer. They are worth considering.

Signs that say change direction

I’ve been moving steadily in one direction for about eight years. Before that I was going in another direction. What’s currently showing up are people interested in that original niche – those initial products and services that I still offer on my website. And I’m wondering and watching. Part of me feels that if I moved back to that old niche it would be about going backwards. Another part says maybe I’ve learned all I can from the niche I am in and have something more to contribute to my original niche. Since learning new things is more important to me than just about anything in the world I need to find the place where I can keep learning and be in service while I do. So the question becomes how can I approach this former niche and make a new type of product and service around it.

Signs that inspire new work

I began my online presence as a spiritual counselor. Then I decided to take that metaphysical approach out into the world as I helped people develop their online business. I became a business coach, curriculum developer and an educator. The spiritual part has always been in my work. But the current signs are about increasing the spiritual work. And I’m observing and thinking and considering.

I feel that a lot of my earlier work was about teaching what I had learned from others in my own unique interpretation – which is pretty much what we all do. But I have now developed what feels like a relatively original idea and would love to find more of those. However my unique viewpoint has changed because I am more knowledgeable and experienced so if I went “back” to offering more spiritually oriented products they would be different than what I produced ten years ago. That’s a good thing.

I learn when I teach and since I’m going through an introspective period in my own life I plan to write a new teleclass that will give people tools for self-exploration. That’s quite different from the practical courses I’ve been teaching. My target community is certainly going to be surprised!

What ideas are coming to you that seem a little off the beaten path that you would be interested in exploring?

Signs that a change is in the air

My Passionately on Purpose blog has always been a mix of practical and philosophical – like me. In the past year I have written more personal development posts than practical ones. That was a conscious decision as well as an organic one. So the Universe has been laying the groundwork for this possible change. Look at what you’ve been doing the past six months. What has changed? Is there a new direction being suggested?

Signs that suggest new relationships

Some of the signs are coming to me in the form of the people that are showing up to be coached and the products that they are buying – the older spiritual ones. As I examine the world around me I see major, major changes and as I look carefully at what people want it seems like hope would be at the top of their list. Hope, spiritual awareness and a way to get control of their lives at least internally since the physical plane seem skewed at the moment. I could do that.

New people are also showing up who would like to collaborate. People are showing up for coaching who not only want practical guidance but help in defining their values and their passion and their deepest place of service. The people who are seeking me out are coming because they feel a spiritual connection. That’s always been that way it works but these people are expressing it in those terms. Who is showing up in your life that you are immediately drawn to, or who seek you out with collaboration in mind?

Signs that you should take the leap

I haven’t made this leap yet. I’m just reading signs. And I also realize it doesn’t have to be a complete leap, it doesn’t have to be an abandonment of what I do now. It can just be an addition to what already exists. I have to look at what I want right now. What do I want to learn? What do I want to write about? What do I want to teach? Who do I want to coach? And what do I want to help them to accomplish? I can offer a personal development class alongside a business class. It would be a stronger position if I stuck with one or the other but I’m just going to let it unfold. It may also mean that this is the beginning of a gradual transition. Are you being nudged to change directions? How does that feel?

Are you noticing the signs?

What signs are showing up for you? What are people asking you to do for them? What new need do you see out in the world that you would like to meet? How does your present focus need to expand or change in order to continue to be relevant and necessary? Read the signs and see if it’s time for change.

© 2011 Cara Lumen
 

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Hovering Above Change

June 6, 2011 By Cara Lumen Leave a Comment
padlockI am organically repositioning myself in my life and my business and I haven’t landed yet. I feel suspended between here and there – wherever "there" turns out to be.
 
Like a butterfly emerging, I don’t know what color I’ll be, so I simply let myself evolve.
 
And like the butterfly it all has to come from within – an internal change that ultimately appears on the physical plane.
 

Listen from within

As new ideas emerge test them out. See how they feel to you. See what additional ideas they stimulate. When I decided to focus much of my coaching work on helping people develop information products it stimulated a great many ideas. I taught my Magnetic Content Development System in a six week course that made me organize those ideas into a teachable format. I founded the free Magnetic Signature Products Guild which is an entirely new niche for me. I started writing the “How to Craft” Series of ebooks. With that one shift to a narrower niche it was like fireworks, the ideas and projects came rapidly. What idea are you exploring that feels like it’s going to pop?
 

Look for the signs

 My signs appeared as full blown ideas that fell into place so easily there was no hesitation on my part to put them into action. Names like the “Guild” set the tone. I realized my system of teaching content development was unique. I was excited about teaching it. It was a direction I HAD to take it was that compelling. What signs continue to show up in your life that point you in a new direction?
 

Have patience

 I get inklings of what is possible. I go exploring to see what catches my eye. And I wait – never pushing or prodding. I simply stay open to the infinite possibilities. I listen intuitively and suddenly find treasures that steadily lead me forward on this new adventure. Start journaling about what you are feeling and thinking. Capture your ideas on paper. See what shows up and consider it.
 

Goals can stop change

If I decide a particular idea needs to be a book, I might miss the opportunity to consider it should begin as a teleclass or a video or even an article. Stay flexible. Stay open. Have a broad goal like “I want to change lives with what I teach.” Then let the way you do that unfold organically.
 

You can’t hurry change

 Opening up this new niche is like starting my business over. I have a new web site, a new blog which people have to find. I am still learning how to manage the membership software. I have fourteen ebooks I know I am going to write and I’m on number three. And each product needs a landing page, a shopping cart set up, a cover and promotion. There is so much to do to let people know these great resources exist. It can’t be rushed. It just needs to be done one step at a time.
 

Learn as you go

 The beautiful thing about writing so many information products is that I get to test my own system over and over again. Sometimes in my process I create a new worksheet that I add to the system. As I write I keep discovering new phrases that convey my message even better than the ones I have already used. As I coach new people I see that I can apply my unique decision making process to those who are starting up a new business or beginning any project. Wherever there is a decision-making process I can help.
 

Watch for leveraging

 One idea can be presented in many ways. A new client showed up that allowed me to apply my decision-making process to the establishment of her new business. As I worked with her I created new processes to guide her. I will include what I discovered and created in future information products. I’ve already taught full blown teleclasses in crafting articles, teleclasses and how to books. Does that material become another ebook series that cover each step? Do they become special interest coaching groups? Can I do a VIP day? As your ideas emerge see how they can be put to use in different formats.
 

Trust

 I have an idea where I am headed but with every step I take I look and listen and feel to be certain it is aligned with my passion and that it excites me as I make it happen. I know I’m growing, I’m expanding my vision, and my expectations are changing. I’m simply allowing a newer version of me to emerging knowing that whatever it looks and feels like will be absolutely perfect for my here and now.
 
Don’t you just love hovering above change?

© 2011 Cara Lumen 

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Checking Yourself for Change

February 15, 2011 By Cara Lumen Leave a Comment
close-lookI looked at one of my own web pages recently and thought “What were you thinking?” So much had changed in such a short space of time that I had forgotten to check what needed to be changed in my blogs and web site to reflect my new direction. There was a lot to be done.  

Change is gradual

 Change sneaks up on us. It can be so unobtrusive that we are suddenly someplace else and don’t know how we got there. And that’s great, unless you are advertising on the internet and telling people what you offer only to find that what you have written is no longer true.
 
I tweaked my niche. I went from coaching people in whatever aspect of their business they were in to focusing on helping people craft powerful information products that help them reach and teach their target community and that changed the demographics of my community and the purpose of my blogs. I had to redefine and rewrite everything. 

Have you changed direction?

 We constantly change. New opportunities show up that we either take or don’t take and that alters our direction. We learn new skills that enable us to add new elements to what we offer. That may tweak our intended destination. Like any trip, side trips can be rewarding, but have you gone done the side road too long? Is it time to get back on the super highway? 
 
I’ve added something new to my business mix. My new Magnetic Content Development System contains a powerful decision-making technique for organizing your ideas into meaningful content. It can be used to help focus any unformulated idea you may have. So for every product I create or new service I decide to offer, I ask myself a series of questions that lets me determine where I am going and what results I want my readers to experience.  Having made that core decision I can then thoughtfully design the contents to make certain I reach my chosen destination. Build into your schedule a periodic check to see if you have organically changed your destination. Then go back and be sure your landing pages still point visitors in the right direction. 

People change

The problems of your target community will gradually change. You need to regularly re-examine their needs. What do they need now that you might provide? What have you been offering that is no longer needed or could be tweaked to give more value? Are you still willing to offer what you’ve been offering? You change just as others change. Be certain you are still serving your target community well and are having a good time doing it.
 
For instance, when the economy first did its downward dip I took a hard look at what I thought people were still willing to buy. I know that knowledge is always a good investment because it constantly increases in value. That prompted me to shift my business into helping people teach what they know through their own Success Library of Signature Information Products. Ebooks and telecourses and teaching videos have no start up costs, very few if any production costs and only take the investment of your time. And information products open up the opportunity for passive recurring income and increased expert status. 

Are you still the best choice to deliver this product or service?

 I bet you’ve added some credentials and experience since the last time you posted your bio or wrote your “Work with Me” landing page. I recently learned to put my ebook on Kindle. That’s some training I can now pass on to my clients and that will add a benefit to my coaching page. Keep an eye out for new skills you have added that increase your value to your target community. It doesn’t have to be a major certification, but do keep a watch out for how you continue to be the best choice to deliver your products and services. 

What do you have new to offer?

 I have created this really great system for organizing your ideas into powerful content. I created it as a teleclass. Now I’m going to translate it into a series of detailed ebook/workbooks. And of course it prompted the creation of a new blog site www.magneticsignatureproductsguild.com . All that happened in three months. No wonder I have to rewrite a lot of what I have up on my web site and “Work with Me Pages.”
 
I might plan to offer a new information product every quarter. That is not a heavy schedule. That would make creating the product fun and pressure-less to produce. And I would have something new to offer every three months. That keeps me from inundating my community with offers but continues to give them real value throughout the year. What do you plan to offer new to your target community” And when? 

Where do you want to go next?

 Life is an adventure, there is always something new to explore and learn.  I want to craft some teaching videos around my Magnetic Content Development System. That means there are a few technical things I need to learn as well as content to create. Now that I have two blogs to support I will be writing more and I have my whole new ebook/workbook series to write. One step at a time works for me. What do you want to learn next? What do you want to produce next? Pick one project and make some decisions about what you want to do for your target community. Then produce one new product a quarter. At the end of each quarter, check to see if you have ended up where you meant to go and what you need to change in your promotional material to match where you are now. Keep checking yourself for change – and keep it documented on your web site.
 
© 2011 Cara Lumen

 

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How to Push Through the Hard Stuff

August 4, 2010 By Cara Lumen 1 Comment

 by Cara Lumen

 
cup-winnerIt takes courage and persistence to learn something that seems hard, or figure out something that has never been easy for you before.  But there are times we simply have to push through.

Decide why it is important

A 74 year old friend of mine is getting a divorce after 35 years of marriage and every day is a challenge for her because, as sometimes happens with women in that age group, she relied heavily on her husband to make the decisions and understand the finances.  And now he is out of the picture.  
 
Suddenly being on your on can come in a variety of ways, including the sudden loss of a job.  You find yourself faced with challenges you never expected to have to meet. 

How do you push through that kind of an in-your-face challenge?

First of all you start looking within yourself to find out what is important to you.  What do you need in your life right now?  What has been missing in the situation that has just changed and how would you like to see this next part of your life be different?
 
Is it important that you get a new job?  Is it important that you find a new place to live?  Is it important for you to change your health habits?  What is important to you and in what order?  Is it health – the stamina and energy to go do the interesting things you want to do?  Is it safety – food, shelter, being solvent? Is it love – giving, receiving, and accepting love?  Is it feeling worthy – valued, knowing you have made a difference?  Or is it something else?  What is the most important change you need to make right now?

Explore what you need to know in order to make it happen

My friend suddenly finds herself dealing with real estate agents and loans and setting up her own bank accounts and figuring out her new budget.  It has been overwhelming for her since she has never before made an attempt to understand these things.  But she is gradually doing it.  It’s been stressful but she continues to work to figure out what she needs to know.
 
In the change you have chosen to make, what do you need to learn in order to make it happen?  Do you need to take a course, read a book, or get some coaching?  Take that next step that leads you toward your goal.
Get help at the speed you are prepared to accept it
 
Ask for help.  And make the person helping you give you the information at the level and speed that you need in order to own it.  Yes, own it.  None of this I-sort-of-got-it excuses.  If it’s important to you it’s important to understand how to make it happen. Learn what you need to know in order to make it happen.
 
As I watch my friend work to figure out her options I see that sometimes she doesn’t even understand the basics.  She gets swamped and frustrated with the jargon that she has not explored and needs the information to be brought down to its most basic components.  Know that might be the case when you are learning something new and make certain you understand what they are saying before you move on.  Build a strong foundation for this new information you are gathering.  Ask the questions you need to have answered.

Take small steps and acknowledge yourself

Don’t beat yourself up with the I-don’t-understand’s.  Pat yourself on the back with the I-got-it’s!!!!  Acknowledging yourself is one of the most important things you can do when you are pushing through a perceived obstacle.  Create an acknowledgement list and write in at the end of every day. Listen to the encouragement the people around you offer.  Thank the people who help you learn what you need to know.  Give gratitude for your progress – for each and every step you take.
Stick with it till you’ve got it
 
Be the little engine who could – I think I can, I think I can.  Because you can.  Whatever it is you set out to do you can do it.  Did you know that when an idea or an opportunity presents itself it will be of the size and shape that you have the ability to handle.  Sure it might stretch you a bit.  It might make you wonder what you’ve gotten yourself into, but if you had the idea and you decided to make it happen, everything you need to bring it to fruition will show up in the perfect time.  So stick with it till you’ve got it. 
 
And then go on the next step!!!
 
©2010 Cara Lumen
 
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What To Do When Need Overcomes Reason

July 21, 2010 By Cara Lumen 1 Comment

by Cara Lumen

fix-itHave you ever reached a point where your emotional needs are so great that practical, logical reasoning was impossible?

My friend was very, very lonely. Her marriage was failing, she didn’t feel very confident in herself and she was desperate to be with people who could affirm her ok-ness. When the doctor told her she should have back surgery right away she was so lonely that she chose to wait three months so she could go to her vacation home and play golf with the people she craved. And the doctor said, “If you feel any numbness come back right away.” She pushed her luck. Her emotional need overcame her logic.

She is still lonely, and is getting a divorce, and because of this huge need to be with people she is emotionally set on buying a house in a retirement community that may be too big an investment for her. But she perceives this environment as having lots of adult activities and thus a way to fill her loneliness so she didn’t even consider other options that might have been wiser for her future.

An unmet emotional need can overcome reason.

What needs are making choices for you?

There are physical needs, of course, that do need to be met – food, shelter, care of your health – but it’s the emotional needs that can push us into unreasonable choices.

Detaching the emotional need from the physical need may take a bit of doing.

For instance, the economy has changed and the business culture has changed. Whether it’s a job or an entrepreneurial venture, the choices we make now have to be different because the world is different. And to make good choices we need to understand our emotional needs and how they influence our choices.

Why are you in the job you are in? Why are you an entrepreneur? What emotional need is being fulfilled by your work, your relationships, your choices?

It is said we have four major needs: we want safety as in food and shelter, companionship and love, a sense of being worthy and a spiritual connection. You may choose to work in a company because you need companionship rather than work at home alone. You may be an entrepreneur because you can create results that make you feel worthy faster by yourself. You may be in service because you feel the spiritual value of actively helping others.

But what if the job goes away? What if the business stops? Will you feel fear, panic, lack of self-confidence? Will you want to give up? Or do you see unexpected change as an opportunity to reevaluate, reframe, explore your inner wisdom and look for the messages that are there to guide you to your next step?

What choices will your emotional needs suggest you make? And are they right ones for you?

Look for your core needs

Safety

If feeling safe by having food and shelter is your core need, then your current choice is to make the adjustments you need to live on what you have. Sell the house, get rid of the stuff, stop buying clothes, and start being thankful for what you DO have. Enjoy learning to cook economically, have a great time at the stay-at-home family nights. Count your blessings. Scaling back on what we have can actually enrich our appreciation of the most basic of possessions.

Love

If you need companionship seek those who truly nourish you. Give and give and give to others. Go volunteer. Look for small acts of kindness you can offer others wherever you are. Sometimes a need for feeling loved leads us to select the wrong person. When we give ourselves the self-love we deserve we are not dependent on others to fill that need.

Go more deeply in service. See where you are needed and step in. Offer a small kindness. Offer a big kindness. Give, give, give. That’s how you experience the give and take of love.\

Self-worth

When we learn to acknowledge ourselves for the job well done, we won’t need to look for the approval of others to make us feel valuable. We are in charge of our own life. We are in charge of how we see ourselves. We are in charge of how much we love ourselves.

Write your own acknowledgement list. Write down the positive things others say about you. Stop comparing yourself and know that you are unique in what you have to offer and go offer it.

Spiritual connection

When we move into a place of constant gratitude, we will begin to see the abundant blessings that flow our way and understand how we are guarded and guided along our path.

Take time to smell the flowers – literally. Watch a bud develop over time. Look at the intricacies of a blossom; understand that the same Universal Mind that created nature in all its intricacies created you. Feel that connection and make it real for you.

Fill your own needs

Once you identify the emotional needs that need filling, set about filling them. Focus on changing your own beliefs and your own attitudes

Learn to love yourself: When we learn to love and appreciate ourselves we will gain in self-confidence. Know and understand yourself and start giving yourself what you need. Set boundaries. Create a vision. Expect the best. Do not settle for second best.

Learn to relate to others: When we realize that everyone has a unique contribution to make, we no longer have a need or desire to control others or give them unsolicited advice. We will cease to be judgmental of the individual uniqueness in others. Become a gentle listener, a patient companion, a generous and kind friend.

Learn gratitude: When we learn to appreciate everything we have and give gratitude for it, we will not have the need to get more stuff just because someone else has it. Express your gratitude of others to them. Express your gratitude of yourself to you. Be aware of the goodness that surrounds you.

What emotional need is influencing your decisions, your actions, your choices? Do you need approval, feelings of self-worth, friendship, a sense of purpose, a sense of belonging? It may not be obvious at first but take some time to identify your needs. Then look to see how your need is influencing your choices – for better or worse.

© 2010 Cara Lumen

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How I Cured Myself of Giving Unsolicited Advice

July 19, 2010 By Cara Lumen Leave a Comment

by Cara Lumen

padlockI get in so much trouble because I have a tendency to get excited with ideas and offer them to people unsolicited and it feels to them like I’m giving advice which I may very well be and it doesn’t go over well. Have you had that experience? It’s getting in my way and I sought some help to stop the habit. Even though I know I do it, it is so engrained as to be unconscious. I recently was given the words I needed to hear to make the shift in consciousness that has been such a long time coming. It has changed the way I now approach others and has softened my interaction with them.

Reframe what you are doing

Although I’ve known I gave advice too often I seemed unable to stop it until I heard some words that helped me reframe my advice-giving in a different light and I was able to make a change. My son said “You have positioned yourself as a trusted advisor.” That’s all I heard although there was more to the sentence because a major shift happened, I reframed how I saw myself. My son may have meant that I offer too much advice, but the phrase changed how I see my role. To me a trusted advisor listens and absorbs and listens some more. I liked being a trusted advisor. Suddenly I had given myself permission to simply be with people and not let my mind go off in all sorts of ideas that they could do if it interested them. It brings me great peace to just listen.

The second thing that happened was a I read a post by Tama Kieves www.AwakeningArtistry.com called “My Number One Career and Soul Coaching Tip: Listening with Love” in which she talked about sacred neutrality, how her role is to look for the truth, to observe and listen, to be curious, not conclusive and be a sacred witness for their consciousness. That made a huge shift for me, particularly when it allowed me to be curious but not conclusive. Listen and observe but not offer advice – unless asked for.

Listening creates more positive results than offering advice

I bet you money that very seldom someone comes up to you and says “I want your advice.” They want you to listen while they sort themselves out. And they do sort themselves out without our help. If you take the role of “curious” you might pose a question or two but you will not reach a conclusion like the advice-giving “you could do this or that.” And I really like the idea of being a sacred witness for their consciousness. The only answers come from within and sometimes we listen to the inner voice in silence and sometimes in the company of others. But the answer is ours to receive and ours to act upon. No one outside of ourselves can help us with that process.

So the third realization was that an outside listener does not hold the answers for another person. Wow, that’s big – I don’t have their answers so why am I running around trying to give advice? I must hold a sacred neutrality. I can be a sounding board so they can hear their own answers. That means that listening creates more positive results than any amount of advice giving I might ever do.

A new habit to create

This is a new awareness for me and I haven’t had a chance to put it into practice yet but I’m going to make signs for my desk that say:
• “Sacred Neutrality”
• “Sacred Witness for their consciousness”
• “Observe and Listen”
• “Curious not Conclusive”

And I’ll practice those qualities on my phone conversations so that when I get with people in person I will know how to simply be with them. Simple be. No advice, no ideas, just my presence, my supportive, listening, loving presence.

I can do that.

© 2010 Cara Lumen

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How to Stay Positive during Rocky Times

July 16, 2010 By Cara Lumen Leave a Comment

by Cara Lumen

upward-arrowIt’s been awhile, hasn’t it – this unusual period in our history when money is funny, jobs go away and the future looks uncertain? Are you getting discouraged? Do you have a hard time staying positive and hopeful? What can you do to see a bright side – the light at the end of the tunnel?

Look for the good in everything

Let’s see, maybe these past two years have seen you learn a new skill in order to get a different job. And although that was scary and you went through a lot of stress over choosing what skill to learn and what job to seek, you’ve done it and you are in a job that is better suited for you and more rewarding than if you hadn’t gone through the challenge of being laid off or needing to move on.

During the course of these odd economical times you have reassessed what is important to you. You are no longer buying all the stuff you used to. You have cut back. You have lightened up which feels marvelous. You are learning to cook again, to make economical dishes from scratch, and you are teaching your children these new thrifty skills. That feels like a positive result.

You stay home more so you have had to make your own fun. That means you have had friends over, or made a game night with your children, or watched a DVD together. It means you have gone on picnics and walks in the woods and camped overnight in your back yard. Those have been fun times haven’t they?

You had to move to a smaller home so you got to throw away a lot of things you really don’t need and the relief of being able to afford to pay your bills because of the move is tremendous.

Those choices are all positive. They are all about rethinking our values, ceasing to be consumer junkies, and finding friendship and nurturing with our friends and family. It’s about returning to a basic life style where human interaction is the cornerstone. That’s all good stuff.

What if there is a boulder in the way?

Sometimes we don’t get what we want because it would keep us from being available for the next big thing that is coming our way but hasn’t had time to arrive yet.

If there is a boulder in the way you find another path.

I’m moving and I started collecting things for Good Will in the middle of my breakfast room. And the pile sat there and sat there and I worried about how to get it down the steps into my car. At this point in time I can’t walk down steps without holding on and that makes carrying things tricky. But the day I finally moved the bags two things happened, when I lifted them one at a time they were not as heavy as I had decided they must be after putting it off all that time and I found another way to get them down the steps – I backed myself down and lifted the bags down one step at a time until I got them to my car. And did I ever feel smug!!!! I had done it, that huge perceived boulder had been chopped up into smaller pieces and I had moved it aside. And my lesson was that I can do that for everything!!! Take smaller steps and figure out new ways to get the job done!

Listen to your Inner Voice

There is one place from which to get guidance and comfort – that is within. In the moments you create of silence and contemplation, the universal wisdom you hold within you can be heard. You may need to journal, you may need to meditate, you may need to listen to the signs and signals that come up every day, but the guidance is there.

I’ve had about a year of listening. I listened to my inner voice when I decided in two hours that it was time to move from California to Kansas City. I keep listening to my inner voice as I’ve dealt with two knee surgeries which took my focus from my business and the business changed. I struggled with my inner wisdom when I resisted this next move and the reality that made it important that I do it. And I’m still listening because I’m being called to adjust what I offer others and that is not yet clearly defined.

The answers are there – within. They are in the idea that presents itself, the conversation you hear that suddenly gives you the answer you’ve been seeking, and in the opportunity that presents itself and the doors that close in your face. We each have a journey that only we are to take, a gift that only we are to give. Our job is to listen within for our guidance.

Change is good

This is a period of change and change is good. And change is stressful. And change is exciting. Be flexible. Be open. Be innovative. Question everything. Get really clear about your core values – what’s really important to you in your life – and make choices that honor those.

Look upon this as an adventure. Take it as an opportunity to help others through service. Look for new paths to take, new places to explore, now horizons to seek. Look for the good among the boulders – the plant growing in the cracks, the bird making its nest among the crags, the good life that is waiting for you regardless of how rocky it looks. When you look for the positive you will see the positive.

©2010 Cara Lumen

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I Think I Can, I Know I Can

July 5, 2010 By Cara Lumen 1 Comment

by Cara Lumen

natural-entrepreneurWe sure can mess ourselves up with our own minds. We make things seem bigger and harder than they are. And we do it way too often. But all things are possible. We just have to take them one step at a time, one piece at a time and know we can do it.
The stack in the kitchen

I’m moving and I had gathered some things in the kitchen to give to Good Will. And then I looked at that pile and I thought about the 12 steps leading down from my apartment and I thought about how hot it was and I didn’t think I could do it. See how we mess ourselves up with our own minds. This went on for at least ten days with me eyeing that pile, thinking it would be very hard for me to get those bags down the steps and with each day the idea seemed harder and harder. Until today. A few moments ago.

It was relatively cool (80 degrees) and I decided this was the moment. So I picked up two bags and immediately realize they were not as heavy as I had decided they were with my ten days of worrying. I took them out to the top of the steps. Then I got two more bags. At this point in time I can’t walk down stairs without holding on so I had to find a different way. I decided to go down backward and lift the bags down one step at a time after me. So I did. One step at a time. Twelve steps and maybe three minutes later and I was down!!!! Getting them to the car was a snap. I felt so smug! I had done it by myself after all. An accomplishment!!!

What was left however, was a heavier box and my first thought was to leave that till another time, but hey, I was on a role and I thought how good I would feel if I completed it. So, although the box was a tad heavy I backed it down the steps and into the car. And I felt really, really pleased and proud of myself. And relieved to have that obstacle out of my way.

So here’s the lesson.

1. Things are not what they seem

Although that pile seemed larger and larger the longer I put it off, it really was only four bags and a box and the bags were light. But in my mind I had made it feel like I couldn’t do it. That I would have to get help. But I didn’t. I could do it and I did do it.

When faced with a situation, break it down into its simplest steps.

2. Everything is possible one step at a time

So what if I can’t do steps the regular way while carrying something. I can certainly figure out another way like backing down the steps.

Get creative in how you execute those smaller steps. Even if I had needed to take down one bag a day I could have eventually gotten it done.

3. Finish what you start

I am so glad I took the last box. It was a little harder than the rest but it completed what I set out to do. Completion is extremely satisfying.

Finish what you set out to do. Even that one little piece completed is progress.

4. You can do it if you believe you can

I’m glad I figured out how to do it by myself because that means I now know I can do a lot of other things by myself that I thought I couldn’t do any more. I just have to set about doing them one step at a time and believe I can do it.

What is your mind messing with today?

©2010 Cara Lumen

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